Only 60 More Days to Go...

Beautiful photo by Heidi at Monkeyface Photography

Lately I have been overwhelmed by a number of emotions or, as my sister simply put it, just as hormonal as a 31 week pregnant mother. Well, I have to admit although I am not physically pregnant she is right. The thought of this little miracle coming into my life in just a few weeks brings tears to my eyes more often than not. I can't wait to see his little face, and I wonder everyday how he will look like.

Last week I had a wonderful time with "A". We had the chance to chat, go to lunch, and even have a photo shoot together. I'm so happy that we had this opportunity! We both realized that as the due date approaches there are a number of things to talk and decide about. I am so grateful about her openness and consideration as we discussed the birth plan. I have to admit that sometimes is not easy to bring up this subject for me because I am constantly concerned for her feelings and well being, and don't ever want to do or say anything to hurt her even unintentionally. She made it so easy for me though. We even had the opportunity to tour the delivery and nursery areas in the hospital. She also told the nurse and obgyn that she would like the baby to be put on me at birth. I felt like she was reading my mind and a warm feeling overcame my body as I heard her say those words. Thanks "A" for opportunity to let me experience such a life changing moment that I will cherish forever!

As I think of this moment that will take place in just a few weeks, I can picture the moment to be close to what was so beautifully portrayed on this video:

  

My Perspective as a Mother: Some of my Fears as the Big Day Approaches...

One of the reasons why I decided to start this blog was to educate and inform, perhaps other prospective parents out there considering surrogacy about everything involved in this journey. When my husband and I first considered it, we googled in search of information from a parental perspective and found very limited information about surrogacy in our state. It wasn't until we were able to find a very experienced attorney on the subject that we got all of our questions answered. He confirmed to us that in fact surrogacy IS legal in the state of Utah and walked us through the entire process which included getting approval from the courts before even starting the process. To make a long story short, we started this a process about seven months before the embryo transfer. It had consumed a lot of our time, energy, financial resources, and emotional well being. We did it because we knew and felt from the very beginning that it was the right thing for us to do. Now, we can only say that it has been all well worth it! Not easy, but so worth it!

Perhaps there may be some out there that think that we intended mothers have it easy because we are not going through the typical struggles of carrying the belly. To which I can only say, at least from my own experience, that there is absolutely nothing more in this world that I wish I could do than to carry my own child and go through even the hardest physical struggles just to have him now and feel him grow.

This journey although joyful, full of expectations, and gratitude has not been an easy one. I often have to remind my sensitive side that this is a very unusual situation to avoid getting hurt by the comments or questions of some people. When referring to our surrogacy, I have had people ask questions such as how is the baby's "mom" doing (referring to the surrogate), I have been warned more than once about the possibility of our surrogate keeping the baby, I have shocked one or two people with my big news enough to make them decide not want to talk to me any more, just to mention a few examples.

However, the most difficult and emotional moment of this journey is still to come. I am referring to the birth day of this wonderful miracle of mine. Last week we had a discussion with our attorney about what is to take place that day. I have to admit it almost gave me an anxiety attack just to hear him describe the steps and the timing of the things that should take place at the birth of my child. Although all the medical staff in the hospital will be informed of the situation, I have to admit that my greatest fear is that the doctors and staff of our conservative community are not going to let me experience the joy of welcoming my own biological child into this world. I am afraid they may not freely allow me to see him in the nursery or that I may not be called his "mom" . We are still wondering if the hospital will let us stay in another room throughout the stay, as were told that is up to them to allow us to do that. (Sigh) I guess I have all these next ten weeks to prepare myself  mentally to prevent myself from being the emotional mess that I typically am.